Mind Over Matters

"Nelson's stuff is fresher, more inventive, and better crafted than what Dennis Miller and Bill Cosby have recently collected."

—Booklist

In this collection of more than fifty essays, Nelson turns his wit on everything from the annoying names people have for their elderly relatives (Grumpy Floppy and the Flo-Flo) to the sad decline of the flesh-based diet (A Panegyric to Meat).

His sadness at its passing is evident in this excerpt:

A recent problem that has definitely affected the way people think about meat is the necessity for restaurants to use an annealing furnace to raise the internal temperature of their hamburgers to 1200 degrees Kelvin and keep it there for forty-three hours in order to kill foodborne illnesses. The resulting disk of singed flesh is absolutely indistinguishable in texture and flavor from a piece cut from a rubber mouse pad. McDonald's is aware of the problem and has taken steps to improve flavor by putting up more Playlands. Wendy's has gone a different direction and come out with their new Smoky B'con, Honey Mustard (Pasteurized Processed Mustard Food), and Mushroom and Swiss™ Mouse Pads and 'Rist Protectors crafted from the durable meat product. (They can be bought separately or as desk sets, which are very popular as graduation gifts.)

Other pieces include Portal to Hell: The Radio Shack Experience and Tips on Getting Stung by Wasps.